Ann and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Week

This week was destined to feel very long while I waited the first of 2 weeks before seeing this sarcoma specialist. And it did. So. Long.

And honestly lately I just feel like the universe is continuing to find ways to try to break me (is that even a thing?). Yeah I’ve got advanced stage ovarian cancer. Now there’s this sarcoma – is it another primary cancer or what? No idea but it’s a different beast. I’m scared and it weighed on me this week. Then allll these other things piled on.

• I thought treatment was off since it’s not working but nope, back to treatment this week because it’s too risky to stop considering I still have other spots that are fairly well controlled right now.
• Finally saw a dentist because it’s been a while with Covid and I know treatment can affect your teeth. So I’ll be getting not one but two crowns early next week.
• And my mom who is nearly 89 and in assisted living has had a few falls of late and has rapidly deteriorated. She went from a walker a month ago to being completely unable to stand on her own now. She has horrible break-through pain and we have struggled with finding the right solutions to make her comfortable. This week it escalated even further and my aunt and I spent many hours with her and with care teams trying to work through next steps. It’s stressful and painful and difficult.
• Oh and then there’s the deer that came flying out of the woods in my neighborhood in broad daylight yesterday and launched herself into the side of my car. The car is mostly undamaged but I can’t say the same for her or for me. Physically I am sore but ok. Emotionally I’m still a wreck. I don’t know that I’ll ever get the image of her face slamming into my drivers side window out of my head. I love these creatures. And when she hobbled off into the woods, all I could do was cry.

Look these are normal things – I get it. People have dental work. People my age have elderly parents and watching them struggle and managing that care can be so difficult. And I’m not the first person to hit a deer (or be hit by one). But this week, it’s just a lot for me.

And I still have a full week before I get any idea of what’s next for me. Meanwhile this tumor just grows. I can’t even come up with anything witty or positive to say in closing this time. Just know that your people who have cancer or other major issues also have this kind of normal life shit happening too and there are weeks like this where it just becomes crushing.