As of tomorrow, I will have been home from the hospital for 2 weeks. And here’s what I know. I suck at convalescing. I have zero patience. Yes, I am fully aware that this takes time. And I get that this will take even more time than “normal”. I mean, the surgery alone was pretty intense and I am sore and weak. Add to that the little lung issue and my special time in ICU, and of course, this is a body that was already weakened by almost 4 years of non-stop treatment. So yeah, I know, it’s just going to take some time. That doesn’t make me good at it. It’s been hard. The first day home, I had to physically grab the banister with both hands and pull myself up the stairs one step at a time. I’ve never been this weak in my life. The second day we were home, Dara got a stomach virus that lasted a few days, then I got it with a vengeance. That felt good on my tender belly. And for me, it sort of lasted the better part of a week. I’m still struggling a bit with food but I’m getting there. And I still seem to be running a low grade fever some and feeling yucky more than I want. I’m seeing my PCP again tomorrow to see what they recommend now (if anything). We’ll see. Oh, and yesterday I walked up the full flight of stairs without stopping, so I AM making progress. It’s just so ssslllloooowwwww.
I’ll tell ya, I’ve also had some pretty emotional moments over the last couple of weeks. Reflecting back on what happened, the scary aspects, the outpouring of love, the quick turn from good to bad back to good, etc. It’s just been a lot to think through. I didn’t expect to still feel so emotional about all of it, but I guess that makes sense given what happened.
I’ve seen all my docs (PCP, Oncologist, Surgeon) and they are all very pleased – lungs sound good, incision healing well and I start on my new cancer prevention pills next week (see how I changed it from “maintenance”?). I think part of my issue with how long this is taking is that I’m finally cancer free and I’m just so anxious for this new beginning. I want to RUN. But instead I’m just past crawling stage. I know that I have the rest of my life to run and I AM getting better. I just have to keep reminding myself that while I like to think I’m Wonder Woman, this is just going to take a few minutes (likely months) to fully recover. Sometimes I just have to remember how much better I am than I was 2 weeks ago, or even a week ago.
Lots of you have asked how I’m doing so that’s really the gist of it – I am getting better, and I am frustrated. And I am still amazed at how blessed I am to have you all out there sending love and support all the time. Thank you. Again. And again.